Analog Idoru

Burn that couch!

2008-04-08T10:32:00.000-07:00

Looks like a little get together in Michigan could cramp the digital habits of possibly eveyone.

Here's one take.

I heard in a NPR segment yesterday that police are seeking to press charges on those involved in creating the facebook group because they claim that digitally projecting, "Burn that couch!" to 5,000 people is the same as being in the presence of, and yelling at 5,000 people to, "Burn that couch!" I'm going to test this theory. According to this, there are around 1.3 billion Internet users. That's a bump in the basket compared to a puny box social in the woods. Because this blog is completely free to access, it is possible for all 1.3 billion of those users to read my messages. I understand language barriers, but theres rockin' software to deal with that and I understand how certain governments regulate what their public sees--but if someone really wanted to read my rag they could. So I'm going to say something to see if it incites said activity.

*Ahem* BURN THAT COUCH

I even simulated yelling by capitalizing everything. So if there isn't a worldwide epidemic of couch-burning activity, then the misguided policeman's claim has no bearing. If what I wrote does lead to an increase in furniture burning, well then, I guess, I guess...man we're fucked--we need to turn this ship around immediately.

Hey Everybody, It's Friendship Time

2008-04-08T07:29:00.000-07:00

So I found a load of all this digital music laying in a heap on the sidewalk. I had a profound sense of time dilation. It was hurtled back to a time when seeing crappy Vanilla Ice cassette tapes crushed on the pavement with their ribbony insides spewing out was normal. Like those days, I scooped up all this oozing digital goo because, "Hey, you never know when you might be in the mood for some generic music." I slid the repaired contents into my iPod and was amazed at what I heard.

Enter Friendship Time

Sorry that had to be a myspace page, but it seems these rockin' dudes bypassed the Internet age for something greater.

Friendship Time is a solid 1970s progressive group. With strong Yes instrumental influences and sparse vocals, they make great head bopping, jive tunes.

Go to Hell

2007-10-24T08:26:00.000-07:00

I am resoundingly fed up with Professional Geeks whining and bitching about how life is so tough because they don't have enough time for video games, Pokemon cards, and webcomics. Take this post from those two at Penny Arcade, or this even less eloquent and more flagrant example of whining from the guy who sloths atop a mound of cheese puffs and cat dander.

I guess maybe they are trying to relate to the majority of the working population by creating a facsimile connection between their lack of time to play video games and my lack of time to do things like work, eat, and sleep.

I guess I'm mostly pissed off because they built a digital haven for themselves on the donations and compliments of their fan bases, and now that they are the objects of uncounted levels of adoration they have become so full of their own egos they feel the need to lord it over us.

"Oh, poor wittle baby can't play all of the games that are coming out this Fall?" Well tough nuts. Slam a case of Rockstar, cut off any vestigial remains of a social life, find a cozy corner of the couch and lull yourself into a video game trance. Maybe you'll play enough to reach Nirvana and you'll give up posting this inane information opting to devote your life to more mystic things. Or all that Rockstar mixing with couch fart gas will create an explosion in your brain, thus ceasing any chance of you bothering us with your ambiguous "life problems".

Straight from the Dungeon

2007-09-07T21:20:00.001-07:00

Belgium Tourism Agency

2007-05-06T08:04:00.000-07:00

Textile Farmer

2007-05-05T11:37:00.000-07:00

Angsty Beats

2007-05-05T11:21:00.000-07:00

Histories Mysteries

2007-05-05T11:18:00.000-07:00

Spiderman

2007-05-05T09:24:00.000-07:00

Fresh From the International Library

2007-02-27T07:32:00.000-08:00

Here's link spam I got today:

I start to women day prepear

I start to women day prepareâ€¦â€¦
I buy flower, viagra and xanax .....))))
But I have problem. I haven't womenâ€¦.
Help me please

"I start to women day prepear." Spelling aside, this could mean a couple of things. It may be a belated reference to Valentines Day. This guy could be reeling in big business on the cronies that live in some romantic vacuum and just now realized that Cupid's Arrow had missed the mark. Or this gent could be "prepearing" for the day his girlfriend has her period. But wait, it looks as if this sorry chap doesn't have anyone else in his life. More appropriately it looks as though this lad has some pretty high standards and thinks that he deserves more than one woman.

The kicker is that as he lures me into visiting one of his buddies pharmaceutical websites with his eloquent description of events, he solicits me for help in obtaining him multiple women. Well buddy, if you're reading this, come on over to America. There's no shortage of (multiple) women who will screw you because of your lose grasp on English.

Today's Buzzword(s)--Power of the Purse

2007-01-11T19:36:00.000-08:00

It's funny when the government adopts/creates their own special euphemisms for something. It's funny because the phrase in nearly any other context wouldn't work.
"Say Anton, how we gonna make sure this guys knows we mean business?".
"Easy, we just squeeze a little muscle and show em' the our power of the purse."

If this whole Democracy thing doesn't work out, maybe we'll just sign up or representatives to re-write Shakespeare...you know to make it more plausible.

Opinion pwnage

2006-11-07T05:58:00.000-08:00

If you have followed the release of Neverwinter Nights 2, own the game, or are even mildly interested in video game current events, you may be interested in this article.

Now, beyond the scope of Neverwinter Nights 2, what does this retraction mean for the relationship between gamers and game reviewers? Is this a display of weakness on the part of 1up deciding to throw in the towel and give in to their audiences complaints? I think the context of the situation may have been a bit isolated to extend beyond this review agency. I guess if you start to see other sites folding their reviews for the game, you may wonder.

Superman Found in Wheat Field

2006-10-17T20:22:00.000-07:00

Well, that's not exactly what the article is referring to, but it is what the article is inferring to. I mean, I saw that headline and immediately thought, "An extra-terrestrial object found in a rural region is a prime method of drawing forth ideas of Ma and Pa Kent holding a baby boy in a radioactive crater." This connection is something anyone who has simply heard of comic books can easily make. What takes the cake about this article is how I assumed that reading the subsequent article would diffuse my Kal-el-ian imaginations, but what do I find? Only that this meteorite was found in Kansas...Kansas. Real life can be so clever.

New and exciting...Check it out

2006-10-11T07:53:00.000-07:00

For those of you checking my blog out from the Bemidji area, stop by the Hobson Memorial Union on the BSU campus to check out an exhibition I'm in as part of my painting class. The exhibition is in the Touche Gallery. The exhibition is titled "Blending of Masters". If you are not sure how to find it, e-mail the university, or just wander campus and ask around. Make sure to include any comments you have about the exhibition in the comments sheet by the door.

Breaking Playstation 3 News!!

2006-09-28T15:41:00.000-07:00

I've just gotten word from extremely official asian men with clipboards, who say that Sony has hidden an ace up their sleeve. Word has been floating around about what features PS3 will have that seperates itself from its competitors, but little has been set in stone. Well, today I give to you the most groundbreaking news regarding this hidden feature. The Playstation 3 will double as a tanning bed for your sister's (or brother's--must be politically correct you know) Barbie dolls.

Have Your Cake and Eat It...What!?!

2006-09-27T20:05:00.001-07:00

I've always had trouble with this cliche. You know the one, "Have your cake and eat it to." usually you hear parents telling it to their children in some high and mighty tone, the kind of tone that says, "I know more than you and this cliche expresses that." But that's beside the point, what really frosts me is the saying itself. Let's think about it for a moment. To have ones cake and to also eat it indicates that some entity gets something they desire, but it is not quite enough so they ask for or seek something to supplement or augment what they already have. Okay, now this quip relies on a foundational object: cake. The problem I have with this is what is any other sentient being supposed to do with cake. Cake is not made to build bridges or to solve disputes amongst warring nations. Cake is a food object, which is intended to be eaten. That is to say the only reason we have cake is so we can eat it. This statement is improperly used on a daily basis, I charge whoever reads this to stop their fellow man and ask them to think before uttering such a unfounded line.

Where's the Content?

2006-09-10T16:26:00.000-07:00

I hate looking at blogs with AdSense. I know it sounds like a great deal and all, "Hey put our ads on your blog and get money for nothing!" But giving Google this freedom can be like giving the neighbors freedom to poop on your lawn. Sure your grass may look a little greener, but you have to deal with the smell, and not being able to walk around with naked feet. It can be a challenge discerning text from ads, and links tend to be repelled three feet down screen by unnecessary garbage. Looking for content can be like looking for Waldo.

Freudian Drift

2006-09-09T08:10:00.000-07:00

I won't usually post my dreams here--unless you ask really nicely--but this one deserves attention because it is directly related to my last post. I dreamt my last post got the attention of the blogger.com ruling body- something called the IEFC. They posted a comment on beautiful digital stationary describing how the contents of my blog had diverged from the expectations of blogger.com, and that such actions would be dealt with accordingly. I remember feeling really let down because I thought the blogsphere was the place to write absolutely anything without red-tape ramifications.

If my sub-conscious is reading this, post a comment explaining how you work. If you do, I'll unlock my 'special' thoughts for you.

The Thing that Seperates Us from Ourselves

2006-09-07T06:17:00.000-07:00

As humans, we think that we are unstoppable. If we encounter a situation we deem unnecessary, unpredictable, unstable, or generally just bad for our perceived versions of self we alter the thing that confronts us, our method of travel beyond that thing, or--heaven forbid--we alter ourselves. That is what humans do, we alter things. I read somewhere that humans and beavers share the distinction of being the only two mammals capable, and willing, to alter their environments to such a drastic degree.

As humans we also have distinct powers of creation. Art, music, law, literature, dance, government, song, and theater are all constructs that have emerged as a result of our being human.

Now here is the punchline. Despite, and almost in negation to, our unstoppable nature, humans have allowed their creations to override their visions of self. It has been tested in a handful of psychological studies in which the power to 'electrocute' others has been given to someone. Because they have the power, and because the test administrator very passionately encourages it, the individual with the ability to shock another does so to a point of near death in almost all cases. Despite a persons best intentions/morals/ethics/etc. the institution of power influencing that person will always override that individual. You can see this in nearly all institutions of power, but government is probably the most easily examined structure. You can start to watch for it now during election year. Watch a candidate get elected with his good intentions. Take note of the things he promised or attempted to make positive changes to. Two years down the road, take stock of how he is performing. I bet you gold to gonads his ideals have been corrupted by the very things he sought to change.

As sad as it is to say, we really are our own worst enemy.

In my next post, I'll try to cheer you guys up. This was something I just had to get off my chest.

Steve Irwin 1962-2006

2006-09-04T08:05:00.000-07:00

To remember this environmental icon with a moment of silence would be blasphemous. Instead I urge you to run outside, in your boxers, grab the nearest animal--be it squirrel, pigeon, cat, or snake, wrestle it to the ground and yell, "That one's for Steve Irwin mate!"

"Crank" is cut

2006-09-03T21:36:00.000-07:00

Picture this. Jason Stratham, one of the top emerging martial arts actors. He did a fairlly bang-up job in "The Transporter" and its sequel with some dynamic fight concepts and innovative use of environment. Now, his character wakes up to find that he's been injected with a poison called Beijin Cocktail--it blocks adrenal inhibitors in the heart causing it to eventually slow to a stop. So what's he do, like any other dude, he finds the snake who did this to him and puts him and his croonies through his own brand of sick torture. But here's the catch. Stratham's character must keep his adrenaline levels high in order to counteract his rapidly retarding heart. Or he dies.

Sounds intense, sounds like there would be plenty of oppurtunity for catchy one-liner's or memorable finishing moves. But "Crank" came up way short. There is not a single micron of martial arts action in the entire movie. This dawned on me partway through the movie, so I put my senses on high alert and without scrutiny hoping for a simple grapple, roundhouse kick, or flashy counter attack; enough to not give this movie a perfect kill. But I got nothing. Sure there were some innovative cinematic aspects and even a cleverly done scene where the audience is duped by the main characters perscription-induced hallucinations, but I won't talk about them because the lack of martial arts action from an actor with a pedigree of entertaining ability is so dissapointing, it ecllipses everything else. For martial arts fans hoping to see an exciting movie done in there era, something that you can look back on and think, "Now that was the golden age of martial arts movies," save your money for "The Protector".

When They Untie Your Hands...

2006-09-02T11:06:00.000-07:00

...and pull the bag off your head you're confronted by a myriad of unfamiliar sensory experiences. So you dive in and create your own existence.

Hello, I would like to formally greet everyone who stumbles on my domain, I wish you peace. This blog will cover a variety of topics to be shared and explored with the rest of the world. Enjoy, and have a pleasant stay.